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mackinzieThe quote I posted yesterday was one I had found while I was surfing the internet but it provoked inspiration and reflection in myself.
I first started my regular job not as prepared for the real world as I should've been. I lived under the umbrella of my mom and the safety net she provided. It was something I cherished but knew was ultimately not good in the long run for the ways of the world.
My first regular job was at a clinic. It did not go well. I cried everyday. I dreaded waking up in the morning and going to work, of the frenetic pace of calls and charges, of angry patients and intolerant coworkers. When it came to an end I was relieved. When I look back on it, it doesn't hold any fondness except for the fact that it was my first taste of the real world and all the ups and downs that came with it.
The job showed me that that was the extreme, that it was the very bottom. It was also a placeholder until the next job became available.
After my first job ended, I spent about a month and a half looking for work. The job section was the first place I went when I grabbed the paper. I mulled over every job, wondering. I applied a few places, and eventually it came down to two. I got interviews for both jobs and spent a week staring at the phone. When the call came that I had gotten one of the jobs I was surprised. I had honestly not thought I was good enough.
It's a problem I have at times, always second guessing myself.
But I took the job, and gave a gracious thank you to the employers. The first year was a bit like trying to stand steady on a ship in a storm. I had some big shoes to fill. I saw my predecessor as Superwoman, and she is. Luckily she was still in the same building, having only moved over to another office. But she was so much help.
She was a great teacher, and had the insightfulness to know when to answer my constant barrage of questions and when to ignore them. She was patient, kind, and fearless. From her I learned to be better at my job and how to handle what came at me.
I had a hell of a time getting over the fact that I couldn't help but wonder if my coworkers compared me to her, but eventually I gradually learned to stop caring (too much). I discovered that wondering only hurt me in the end. I was not superwoman but I had my good points. She helped me harness those good points and nurture the backbone I had failed to grow.
It's still coming in, and I still doubt myself, but I feel better about myself now and I have her to thank for it. I am slowly learning not to be better than her but be better than myself, as the quote said. But she was a fantastic model for who to be.
All the experiences in my life, for good or bad, help to shape the person I am becoming.
Sometimes I want to look at myself, to look at the world around me and hide, to say I am not ready, I am still a child, let someone else handle it. But responsibility has been placed too many times on my shoulders for me to keep saying that and believe it.
It scares me at times, to go from a wide eyed child to a more aware, but still youthful, adult.
But it is a thrilling ride. I am grateful for my life and all the experiences I have had, good or bad. I know it sucks sometimes. I know the sheer exuberant joy and excitement of it.
I am grateful for those experiences because without the bad things I cannot know the good. I can look back and say, 'It could be so much worse. Look at how fortunate you are. No matter how bad it gets it will not stay this way. It will get better.'
I am learning to be better than myself. It is a life long process, but that is the meaning of life to me, to constantly try to be better and enjoy what you can.
I first started my regular job not as prepared for the real world as I should've been. I lived under the umbrella of my mom and the safety net she provided. It was something I cherished but knew was ultimately not good in the long run for the ways of the world.
My first regular job was at a clinic. It did not go well. I cried everyday. I dreaded waking up in the morning and going to work, of the frenetic pace of calls and charges, of angry patients and intolerant coworkers. When it came to an end I was relieved. When I look back on it, it doesn't hold any fondness except for the fact that it was my first taste of the real world and all the ups and downs that came with it.
The job showed me that that was the extreme, that it was the very bottom. It was also a placeholder until the next job became available.
After my first job ended, I spent about a month and a half looking for work. The job section was the first place I went when I grabbed the paper. I mulled over every job, wondering. I applied a few places, and eventually it came down to two. I got interviews for both jobs and spent a week staring at the phone. When the call came that I had gotten one of the jobs I was surprised. I had honestly not thought I was good enough.
It's a problem I have at times, always second guessing myself.
But I took the job, and gave a gracious thank you to the employers. The first year was a bit like trying to stand steady on a ship in a storm. I had some big shoes to fill. I saw my predecessor as Superwoman, and she is. Luckily she was still in the same building, having only moved over to another office. But she was so much help.
She was a great teacher, and had the insightfulness to know when to answer my constant barrage of questions and when to ignore them. She was patient, kind, and fearless. From her I learned to be better at my job and how to handle what came at me.
I had a hell of a time getting over the fact that I couldn't help but wonder if my coworkers compared me to her, but eventually I gradually learned to stop caring (too much). I discovered that wondering only hurt me in the end. I was not superwoman but I had my good points. She helped me harness those good points and nurture the backbone I had failed to grow.
It's still coming in, and I still doubt myself, but I feel better about myself now and I have her to thank for it. I am slowly learning not to be better than her but be better than myself, as the quote said. But she was a fantastic model for who to be.
All the experiences in my life, for good or bad, help to shape the person I am becoming.
Sometimes I want to look at myself, to look at the world around me and hide, to say I am not ready, I am still a child, let someone else handle it. But responsibility has been placed too many times on my shoulders for me to keep saying that and believe it.
It scares me at times, to go from a wide eyed child to a more aware, but still youthful, adult.
But it is a thrilling ride. I am grateful for my life and all the experiences I have had, good or bad. I know it sucks sometimes. I know the sheer exuberant joy and excitement of it.
I am grateful for those experiences because without the bad things I cannot know the good. I can look back and say, 'It could be so much worse. Look at how fortunate you are. No matter how bad it gets it will not stay this way. It will get better.'
I am learning to be better than myself. It is a life long process, but that is the meaning of life to me, to constantly try to be better and enjoy what you can.