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I never realized how much I needed people who cared about me until I had them. I had them before, but I didn't feel it until recently. I was constantly looking for it, but I subconsciously told myself I wasn't as deserving as others. Now that I feel it, it's easier to be receptive to what was already there.
Despite the problems, which are always there, I still hold a sense of contentment. I know it will ebb and flow with the tide, going so low as to only see the sand down at my feet for miles, but it will also go high enough to ride the waves. For now I am enjoying this abundant tide.
Learning to let go and constantly stop doubting myself has been the hardest part, and still is.
There are people I draw inspiration from, Manda of the LJ list being one of them. I don't know if she remembers me but when I read her posts I always feel like she's a peaceful, stable soul. She's someone I want to aspire to be like, in person and in writing style. In fact I tend to be a bit jealous. She seems to have this understanding of herself and her characters that I don't quite have yet. Hopefully I can get that eventually.
Despite the problems, which are always there, I still hold a sense of contentment. I know it will ebb and flow with the tide, going so low as to only see the sand down at my feet for miles, but it will also go high enough to ride the waves. For now I am enjoying this abundant tide.
Learning to let go and constantly stop doubting myself has been the hardest part, and still is.
There are people I draw inspiration from, Manda of the LJ list being one of them. I don't know if she remembers me but when I read her posts I always feel like she's a peaceful, stable soul. She's someone I want to aspire to be like, in person and in writing style. In fact I tend to be a bit jealous. She seems to have this understanding of herself and her characters that I don't quite have yet. Hopefully I can get that eventually.
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